If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
