Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
