I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
