Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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