while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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