Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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