Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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