life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
