Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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