Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
