before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
