Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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