We're facebook friends in real life
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
