I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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