She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
