I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Randomize
