I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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