Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
