you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
