Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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