I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize