You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
