I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
