You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
