even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
