I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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