John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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