Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
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