I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Barsexuality is the new black.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
