its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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