I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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