I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
