If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
