Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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