I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
