can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
