So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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