he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Randomize
