just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
