Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
