my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
OPIZZABONMYDICK
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
