Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize