FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I think your dad took our porno
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
