Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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