We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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