i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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