hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize