morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Randomize
