The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
