Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
