You're completely useless in the revolution.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
