And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
