WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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