his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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