i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
