I must be too annoying 4 u.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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