That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I see more hoeing in ur future
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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