Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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