Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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