he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
