That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
