I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
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There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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