yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
