if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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