C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
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Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
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Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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