I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
